Buhtt sex?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
