there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
