I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
being pregnant is like rehab
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
