Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
