you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
