I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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