he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize