I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
