I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
