i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
