There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
