you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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