Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
