I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
