my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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