I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
