woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
