Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
vagina is talking i cant
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
