Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
