Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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