Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
