whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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