i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize