I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
