He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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