Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
