So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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