the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
