MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
