Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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