im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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