You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
