There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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