so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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