Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
