Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
