Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
