Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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