It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
