Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
