We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
