Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
