Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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