If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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