I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
