$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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