My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
