Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my poor anus
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
