The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize