i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
