Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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