Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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