I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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