I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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