Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this will be a night to untag.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
