there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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