Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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