And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
