I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
