Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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