Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
