you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you win again, gameday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
