Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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