If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
