I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize