come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
