we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just forgot I was standing up.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize