just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
