He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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