I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
