I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
