I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
