I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
