As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
