You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
