hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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