well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
