happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
