Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
