dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
PANTIES FOUND
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