He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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