Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
