I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
