also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
