I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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